Lot's Wife
look it
you would
have turned
back too
fireballs
falling (hear them)
downtown
the smoke
rising (smell it)
in clouds
your heart
pounding
angel
fingers (feel them)
letting
you go
tears and
sweat an
ocean
remnant (taste it)
on your
numb tongue
and your
eyes burned
until
you turned
Love this! One of my favorites so far.
ReplyDeleteHey Amber,
DeleteThanks for the note. Yes, pleased with how this one turned out - tons of handwritten notes - but the original idea of very constrained 2-syllable lines drove the overall design. The use of the parenthetical references to the senses was a late addition (almost like stage directions), and the non-mention of "salt" (except as alluded via ocean, tears, and sweat) was a key breakthrough.
Hope all is well on your end - the hurricane is headed this way!
Peace,
B.R.
For some reason, this poem makes me feel safe. Don't understand how. But I love it very much.
ReplyDeleteAnna Akhmatova published one by same tile in 1922, but yours is better.
ReplyDelete"R"nonymous (again, as above)
And Google brought me to Wislawa Szymborska. Worth the treasure hunt you sent me on....
ReplyDelete"R"nonymous
Dear R-non,
DeleteThanks for dropping by and for your generous comments. Also, for your connections to Akhmatova and Szymborska.
The striking thing is, that while their poems are much longer, they leave less room for the reader (I think).
The one here is very stark, but also quite intimate. The stricture of the form*** and the direct address to the reader create a unique space - where "Lot's wife" is not some cartoon character that we disparage, but she is someone inseparable from you/me.
Sorry to blather on so long, but it was good to try to articulate (even roughly) "why" I took the path I did in this poem.
Peace,
B.R.
* 2-beat lines, except for the parenthetical sense-driven "stage directions"
* In the parenthetical references to the five senses, "see it" is conspicuously absent - since the colloquial "look it" in the opening, and the background narrative, makes it redundant anyway
*Only 60-syllables grand total