25 October 2012

Train #7

I knew, when I went to the station,
just to watch the trains again,
their strangers getting on and getting off,
that I would remember
that day, that other autumn,
when I began to suffer for the smile I gave
and the one returned, departed.


  1. Love how those last three lines really hit you! Starts with this concept of "that other autumn," then comes "suffer for the smile I gave" - those are lovely ideas, and phrased well. Also, speaking of phrasing, the concise "returned, departed" makes the reader really stop and think at the end of the poem - I like that.

  2. Dear Amber,
    Thank you for your close reading and the kind comment. The last couple of days ("The Narrow Way" also) I've been trying to write poems with very simple diction, and not as much concern with formal metre. This one is simply one sentence. Gratifying that you landed on "returned, departed" as a key element.